Newsbreak Laugh Break (№8)
Bitcoin users who forget their password get 10 guesses before the website seizes up and encrypts its contents forever, locking millionaires permanently out of their Bitcoin fortunes and creating the highest stakes game show on the planet. Win, Lose, or Bitcoin.
A manatee in Florida was spotted with “Trump” written on its back. It took the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service a while to locate the mammal because, to be fair, it is hard to tell the difference between Trump and a manatee.
Trump aide Hogan Gidley told Fox News that the president is ‘the most masculine person, I think, to ever hold the White House.’ He thinks this because Trump hasn’t stopped even once to ask for directions.
House Democrats made a huge announcement on Monday, and I, for one, am excited for their reboot of “James and the Giant Impeach.”
New York State Bar Association considers expelling Rudy Giuliani while Giuliani considers expelling more gas.
A state senator referred Giuliani for disbarment, citing his role in a “violent insurrectionist attack on the US Capitol.” A violent insurrectionist attack is what they call his farts.
An official at the San Diego Zoo confirmed several gorillas have tested positive for COVID-19. Some hoard all the toilet paper leaves, while others protest their freedom not to wear a mask.
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have been discussing divorce. Apparently, she hated the idea of him running for President too.
On Monday, Ivanka tweeted a photo with her dad but tagged Meat Loaf. Ivanka denied the mix up saying she would do anything for love, but she won’t do that.
Jellyfish build walls of water to swim around the ocean and keep fish from Mexico from stealing their jobs.