Newsbreak Laugh Break (№7)
Police have arrested Proud Boys leader Enrique Tarrio. Of course, they nab the one guy with an ethnic name, leaving them the undisputed champion of Where’s Non-White Waldo.
Google employees formed a new workers union, Alphabet. Which is brought to you by the letters “A” and “F,” “U.”
NEWS ARTICLE: WHO calls for expanded measures to find COVID variants.
ME: That’s what I’m trying to figure out!
NEWS ARTICLE: It’s WHO
ME: That’s what I’m asking!
NEWS ARTICLE: WHO is the World Health Organization.
ME: I don’t know!
NEWS ARTICLE: Third base
A leaked call reveals Trump is pressuring Georgia officials to find him more votes. This whole time I thought Trump was orange, but he’s actually a Georgia imPeach.
More than 1200 fines were issued in France on New Year’s Eve for breaking COVID restrictions, drug offenses, and being too damn sexy.
The UK abolishes the tampon tax on all feminine hygiene products. Women and vaginas everywhere celebrate!
A leading female Palestinian DJ was arrested for performing at a holy site. Her punishment was being forced to listen to DJs.
Thailand bans food, drink, and magazines on domestic flights in an attempt to stem the tide of Coronavirus by making flights as boring as possible.
In India, an iPhone factory was vandalized. The suspects are unpaid workers. Google was immediately ruled out because they aren’t compatible with iPhones.