Humor

Chekhov’s gun theory is a bunch of baloney.

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I’m the famous playwright Anton Chekhov. You may know me for my most famous principle, Checkov’s gun. The principle states that every element in a story must be necessary and relevant. If a loaded gun is placed on the stage, it must go off. I am here to set the record straight, that interpretation of my work is bull.

I’m going to put this gun right on the table here, leave it, and when it doesn’t go off, you will see my point is proven. See. Nothing. Just because a gun is out and visible to the world doesn’t mean…


HUMOR

News that barely makes the grade.

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Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Hey bruhs, it’s ya gurl, Baily Passing, the most baller girl in your school. I just failed civics for the third time. No cap. I’m bringing you the news so teach will finally pass me and my parents won’t get all up in my grill. Sorry, not sorry. I’m hella stoked to bring you my take ’cause our generation is no doubt the most dope. Yeet!

Donald Trump had a diet coke button in the Oval Office, and I think it is cray. Coke Zero is way better. Diet Coke = Disgusting.com/yuck

Butch Bowers, a South Carolina lawyer, will represent…


HUMOR

Take this quiz to find out how deep you’re in the quicksand.

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Photo by Nicolas Cool on Unsplash
  1. You’re alone with no friends around to save you.
  2. Your life has been changed for the worse.
  3. You are dependent on Pyramids for survival.
  4. The only liquid around is something you definitely don’t want to drink.
  5. You are in an extremely dangerous place for humans.
  6. You feel like you are in hell.
  7. You’re in quicksand.
  8. You are surrounded by bottom feeders such as snakes, rats, vultures, and your upline.
  9. You’re in something that is on almost every continent.
  10. You’re in or near the epicenter of a religious cult.
  11. You keep falling for luxurious mirages of pools filled with gold bullion.


Humor

Skimpy shirts only, or you can’t sit with us!

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Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Hey Boo!

It’s your girl, a famous Fabletics woman’s top. Sometimes I’m an adorable sporty tank top. Sometimes I’m a sassy midriff. Sometimes I’m nothing more than a sexy sports bra. And if you grew up with body issues, I’m ALWAYS showing more skin then you’re comfortable with.

I’m here to torture you with pics of how cute I look paired with the matching leggings. Even though you love me and will never find another top to match the colorful booty boosting bottoms, you can’t buy me. …


HUMOR

All is not calm, and all is definitely not right.

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“Look at those cold, dead eyes.” Photo by Misty Ladd on Unsplash

DAY 1

A strange and grizzled man tries to break into your house through your chimney.

DAY 2

Reindeer inexplicably wind up on the roof of your two-story house.

DAY 3

One of those reindeer is exhibiting signs of severe rabies via a neon-red nose that lights up the night sky like an emergency flare.

DAY 4

A creepy elf doll moves around your house in new, unexpected places on its own accord — staring at you with those wide, cold-dead eyes.

DAY 5

You come downstairs in the morning to find that the grizzled stranger managed to: break into…


PERSONAL ESSAY

A note of love from beyond the grave.

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Photo by Zoltan Tasi on Unsplash

Today, I search for a message from my Mom because today is my Mom’s birthday and death anniversary. On special days, like these, I get signs. Messages that she still loves me, that she is looking out for me. Signs I get from her range from her favorite song playing non-stop on the radio to the one time I asked a psychic about my Mom, and she responded with a single word, “carousel.” The carousel was Mom’s favorite ride and her favorite musical. The musical’s second act is literally about the dead girl’s parents coming back from heaven to help…


HUMOR

News that barely makes the grade.

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photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

It’s ya girl, Bailey Passing! I’ve been so high key sadge, low key vibes over my epic fails to up my grade in Civics class I can’t even. FML. But the dope news is, the bar is so low I can step over it. Or trip over it. Either way, ya girl will make it over! At least no fake stans up in my grill pretending to like me so they can cheat in class. That’s Wassup.

I’ve got so much tea on this week’s news, it’ll fill you up like an English Breakfast. Yeet!

3 Republicans have busted from…


HUMOR

The Superior Holiday for Adults Who Are NOT Pathetic.

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Photo by Laura Ockel on Unsplash

February 15th is Candy Clearance Day, and I’m so excited I’m going to eat the crap out of all the 75% off candy until I vomit chocolate hearts out my butt, and I’m not going to feel bad about it! Why? Because Candy Clearance Day makes Valentine’s Day look like the one who is the pathetic, stupid idiot who is never getting married!

Valentine’s Day depends on someone else to make you happy. On Candy Clearance Day, you don’t need anyone but your own damn self to go to the store…


HUMOR

News that barely makes the grade.

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photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

It’s ya girl, Bailey Passing. Vibes are down. School is wack. Mr. S said those who don’t study history are doomed to repeat it. Total burn on me! He doesn’t think I’ll keep this up and repeat his wack class! Sadge. He is so salty. I’m like, how about a little pretzel to go with that sodium. FML lulz.

Here is my dope take on this week’s news. Let’s get this bread! Yeet!

  • Chris Hemsworth says that his body ‘shuts down’ when he stops working out. Doctor’s call this, rest #thoseabstho #damn
  • Trump has been acquitted. Everyone agrees he’s too…

Susan Sassi

Competition placing TV writer, comedian, & professional Cathy impersonator living in LA. www.susansassi.com

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