A simple guide to being a non-judgemental person.

Photo by Will Porada on Unsplash

I’m tired of all the preachy, high-horse articles telling people to stop doing things. “Stop ignoring calories,” “Stop counting calories,” “Stop dieting,” “Stop not dieting,” “Stop not-not dieting.” It’s confusing and judgmental. To be a better person, stop doing these annoying things.

When you have the impulse to tell someone to stop, stop. I would never, ever, in a million years, tell someone to stop doing something they were doing.

Keep your mouth closed and put your energy toward your own problems for a change. If you put half as much energy into telling other people to stop doing things…


Humor

Chekhov’s gun theory is a bunch of baloney.

I’m the famous playwright Anton Chekhov. You may know me for my most famous principle, Checkov’s gun. The principle states that every element in a story must be necessary and relevant. If a loaded gun is placed on the stage, it must go off. I am here to set the record straight, that interpretation of my work is bull.

I’m going to put this gun right on the table here, leave it, and when it doesn’t go off, you will see my point is proven. See. Nothing. Just because a gun is out and visible to the world doesn’t mean…


HUMOR

Take this quiz to find out how deep you’re in the quicksand.

Photo by Nicolas Cool on Unsplash
  1. You’re alone with no friends around to save you.
  2. Your life has been changed for the worse.
  3. You are dependent on Pyramids for survival.
  4. The only liquid around is something you definitely don’t want to drink.
  5. You are in an extremely dangerous place for humans.
  6. You feel like you are in hell.
  7. You’re in quicksand.
  8. You are surrounded by bottom feeders such as snakes, rats, vultures, and your upline.
  9. You’re in something that is on almost every continent.
  10. You’re in or near the epicenter of a religious cult.
  11. You keep falling for luxurious mirages of pools filled with gold bullion.


Humor

Skimpy shirts only, or you can’t sit with us!

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Hey Boo!

It’s your girl, a famous Fabletics woman’s top. Sometimes I’m an adorable sporty tank top. Sometimes I’m a sassy midriff. Sometimes I’m nothing more than a sexy sports bra. And if you grew up with body issues, I’m ALWAYS showing more skin then you’re comfortable with.

I’m here to torture you with pics of how cute I look paired with the matching leggings. Even though you love me and will never find another top to match the colorful booty boosting bottoms, you can’t buy me. …


HUMOR

All is not calm, and all is definitely not right.

“Look at those cold, dead eyes.” Photo by Misty Ladd on Unsplash

DAY 1

A strange and grizzled man tries to break into your house through your chimney.

DAY 2

Reindeer inexplicably wind up on the roof of your two-story house.

DAY 3

One of those reindeer is exhibiting signs of severe rabies via a neon-red nose that lights up the night sky like an emergency flare.

DAY 4

A creepy elf doll moves around your house in new, unexpected places on its own accord — staring at you with those wide, cold-dead eyes.

DAY 5

You come downstairs in the morning to find that the grizzled stranger managed to: break into…


HUMOR

McGeiver Policeman, Billionaire Astronauts, and other news that barely makes the grade

photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Hey fam. What up? It’s your girl, Bailey Passing. Having to reintroduce who I am and why I’m spilling the hot tea every week has gotten legit Soy AF. It’d be baller if you were swerving enough to read my bio and understand I do this so I can pass my Civics class and stop my parents from getting all up in my grill. Now let’s get this bread! Yeet!

A NYPD officer saved the life of a person who was stabbed by using a potato chip bag and tape to stop the bleeding. Next week he’ll reattach a finger…


HUMOR

Merlot strikes back

Photo by Ryan Loughlin on Unsplash

I’ve held my tongue long enough. Since 2004 everyone has been buying into the disgusting propaganda that is Sideways, and I’ve had it up to my cork with you!

In the film, Miles Raymond, played by Paul Giamatti, talked shit about me. And for some reason, you jackasses all listened! Now everyone thinks they’re too good for me? Would you also jump off a bridge if a balding middle-aged depressed divorcé told you to?

You Sideways sycophants would rather drink your temperamental pinot noir than test my steadfast, adaptable Merlot waters. “Wah, I’m pinot noir, I can’t grow in Chile…


HUMOR

Bathroom apartments, meth-ed out fish, and other news that barely makes the grade.

photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Hey fam, it’s ya girl, Bailey Passing. This week is baller AF. Mr. S continues to leave me on read. But ya girl hears he thinks the tea I’ve been dropping is quaking and so he’s going to cave, no cap. So let’s get this bread! Yeet!

An apartment in Vancouver is listed for $680/mo as a micro-studio, but it is actually just a bathroom with a bed. The listing describes it as perfect for those who don’t need a lot of space, want to save money, and enjoy falling asleep to the smell of their own farts. Hashtag yuckzies!


HUMOR

Peter Pans, Flinstone homes, and other news that barely makes the grade.

photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Bruhs, this week has been no joke, no cap! ICYMI, Mr. S. told me he put a restraining order on me, hashtag sadge. But guess what was cap, that restraining order! Damn Mr. S is extra. He’s legit flexing on his teacher power, and it’s seriously high-key cray. But he’s wearing down, so imma keep going dropping the hot AF tea!

Newser staff writer gives Biden 2 Pinocchio’s for his lies about the second amendment always limited the type of weapon you could own. And for his refusal to grow up, the Newser Staff Writer gets two Peter Pans. …


HUMOR

Rudy Giuliani takedown, new Microsoft microchips. and other news that barely makes the grade.

photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Hey! It’s ya girl, Bailey Passing. This week’s take on the news hits different, fam. Mr. S filed a restraining order against me. Big Yikes! Not canceled, no cap! Why are you so pressed, Mr. S?! Ya girl is just trying to pass civics!

Oh well, time to drop all the hot AF tea! Yeet!

Rudy Giuliani’s law license is suspended in New York. The only thing better would be if he received the verdict from Judge Judy. Hashtag goals!

The Delta Covid variant has a new mutation called “Delta Plus” It’s just like the Delta variant but comes with…

Susan Sassi

Competition placing TV writer, comedian, & professional Cathy impersonator living in LA. www.susansassi.com

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