The only thing worse than traffic is listening to someone talk about it.

OK, I got a great pitch for you! So, Speed took place on a bus, right? And Speed 2, on a cruise ship? I know what you’re thinking. How can we top that? Speed 3… A person who can’t stop talking or he’ll explode!

We open on the office misfit…


You either need a doctor or First Class Lieutenant Ripley.

  1. An organism in your belly is living off you as the host.
  2. You are on a scary epic adventure that could go wrong at any moment.
  3. There’s a chance you might die.
  4. No one will care if you scream.
  5. What is happening only feels possible in science fiction movies.
  6. The…


A simple guide to being a non-judgemental person.

I’m tired of all the preachy, high-horse articles telling people to stop doing things. “Stop ignoring calories,” “Stop counting calories,” “Stop dieting,” “Stop not dieting,” “Stop not-not dieting.” It’s confusing and judgmental. To be a better person, stop doing these annoying things.

Stop telling people to stop doing things

When you have the impulse to tell someone…


Humor

Chekhov’s gun theory is a bunch of baloney.

I’m the famous playwright Anton Chekhov. You may know me for my most famous principle, Checkov’s gun. The principle states that every element in a story must be necessary and relevant. If a loaded gun is placed on the stage, it must go off. …


HUMOR

Take this quiz to find out how deep you’re in the quicksand.

  1. You’re alone with no friends around to save you.
  2. Your life has been changed for the worse.
  3. You are dependent on Pyramids for survival.
  4. The only liquid around is something you definitely don’t want to drink.
  5. You are in an extremely dangerous place for humans.
  6. You feel like you are…


HUMOR

Imported hipsters, Rachel Maddow accusations, and other news that barely makes the grade.

It’s time again for ya girl, Bailey Passing to spill the hot AF tea to pass civics because Mr. S is salty AF. Let’s get this bread. Yeet!

Portland city council will vote on ending trade with the state of Texas. If it goes through, Texans won’t be able to…


HUMOR

Absent-minded bank robbers, the anti-vax challenge, and other news that barely makes the grade.

It’s the day of the week ya girl, Bailey Passing, spills the hot AF tea to pass civics because Mr. S is salty AF. Let’s get this bread. Yeet!

Bank robbers place hostages on roofs of getaway cars, along with his phone and coffee before forgetting about them and driving…


HUMOR

A boss ass tortoise, a free school board strip show, and other news that barely makes the grade.

It’s time again for ya girl, Bailey Passing, spilling the hot AF tea to pass civics because Mr. S is so salty. Let’s get this bread. Yeet!

Hurricane Henri Stormwatch remains after for 8 states after killing 22 in Tenessee. Henri is spelled with an I for I can’t believe…


HUMOR

FBI Fails, Ebays gone wild, and other news that barely makes the grade.

It’s time again for ya girl, Bailey Passing, spilling the hot AF tea to pass civics because Mr. S is so salty. Let’s get this bread. Yeet!

The FBI, without approval, used ‘provocative photos’ of female office staff to catch sexual predators and forgot where they posted them online. …

Susan Sassi

Competition placing TV writer, comedian, & professional Cathy impersonator living in LA. www.susansassi.com

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