HUMOR

Angry pilots, incredible shrinking penises, and other news that barely makes the grade.

photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Your girl is back and dope as all hell! Yeet! Shout out to LOLZYoloGirl for being cray fam and starting a supes swerve petition IRL to the school board to get those Boomers to accept my weekly hot take as extra creds. It’s high-key glow-up time. No cap! Let’s get that bread.

A Southwest pilot is caught on a hot mic yelling ‘liberal f**ks’ and ‘weirdos’. Flight attendants normalized the situation by serving Thanksgiving dinners. Yumzies dot comzies!

The large container ship continues to block the Suez Canale, clogging it up with so many toilet paper shipments, it’s been renamed…


Humor

Chekhov’s gun theory is a bunch of baloney.

I’m the famous playwright Anton Chekhov. You may know me for my most famous principle, Checkov’s gun. The principle states that every element in a story must be necessary and relevant. If a loaded gun is placed on the stage, it must go off. I am here to set the record straight, that interpretation of my work is bull.

I’m going to put this gun right on the table here, leave it, and when it doesn’t go off, you will see my point is proven. See. Nothing. Just because a gun is out and visible to the world doesn’t mean…


HUMOR

Take this quiz to find out how deep you’re in the quicksand.

Photo by Nicolas Cool on Unsplash
  1. You’re alone with no friends around to save you.
  2. Your life has been changed for the worse.
  3. You are dependent on Pyramids for survival.
  4. The only liquid around is something you definitely don’t want to drink.
  5. You are in an extremely dangerous place for humans.
  6. You feel like you are in hell.
  7. You’re in quicksand.
  8. You are surrounded by bottom feeders such as snakes, rats, vultures, and your upline.
  9. You’re in something that is on almost every continent.
  10. You’re in or near the epicenter of a religious cult.
  11. You keep falling for luxurious mirages of pools filled with gold bullion.


Humor

Skimpy shirts only, or you can’t sit with us!

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Hey Boo!

It’s your girl, a famous Fabletics woman’s top. Sometimes I’m an adorable sporty tank top. Sometimes I’m a sassy midriff. Sometimes I’m nothing more than a sexy sports bra. And if you grew up with body issues, I’m ALWAYS showing more skin then you’re comfortable with.

I’m here to torture you with pics of how cute I look paired with the matching leggings. Even though you love me and will never find another top to match the colorful booty boosting bottoms, you can’t buy me. …


HUMOR

All is not calm, and all is definitely not right.

“Look at those cold, dead eyes.” Photo by Misty Ladd on Unsplash

DAY 1

A strange and grizzled man tries to break into your house through your chimney.

DAY 2

Reindeer inexplicably wind up on the roof of your two-story house.

DAY 3

One of those reindeer is exhibiting signs of severe rabies via a neon-red nose that lights up the night sky like an emergency flare.

DAY 4

A creepy elf doll moves around your house in new, unexpected places on its own accord — staring at you with those wide, cold-dead eyes.

DAY 5

You come downstairs in the morning to find that the grizzled stranger managed to: break into…


HUMOR

Emotional Support Beer, roommate Jesus, and other news that barely makes the grade.

photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Hey, fam! It’s your dope AF girl, Bailey here. The rents have been all up in my grill about my civics grade, as yoush. So I spilled the tea on my high key news for extra creds. They don’t seem to be as supes stoked that this will give me the extra creds. But I’m not sweating from them throwing shade. I can feel Mr. S. wearing down from all the printouts I’ve been leaving in his inbox, desk, car, gym bag, briefcase, house mailbox, tool shed, basement, and folded into swans I leave on his pillow. I’m legit the…


HUMOR

News that barely makes the grade.

photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Yo Brahs! It’s Bailey Passing, but I’m supes low-key energy, with a high key need to sleep this week. Ya girl has been staring at screens for so long, my eyeballs are wack, and I can’t even about such high-key news. So let’s just spill the tea ‘cause I know you’re all thirsty.

CNN reports an invisible, odorless gas is pitting Texas against the Biden administration. Which is supes sadge, no cap, but like also what’s Rudy Guiliani doing in Texas? #sosoy

Many scientists use infrared and lasers to reveal dangerous gas levels and call themselves the Methane Hunters. …


HUMOR

News that barely makes the grade.

photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Hey, it’s ya girl Bailey Passing! Still on fleek and still protesting the nerdriarchy! As Billy Eilish is my witness, I won’t stop until Mr. S gets over his salty sus self and finally freaking passes me! Let’s get that bread!

Macaulay Culkin stars in a new season of American Horror Story. It’s a biopic of his life, American Child Star Horror Story. Hashtag dopest season yeeeeet!

Lou Ottens, the inventor of the cassette tape, died this week. Generation Y says, inventor of what, now? www dot things only boomers know dot com.

True story, a man soaks in bean…


HUMOR

News that barely makes the grade.

photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

K, Fam, ya girl, Bailey Passing is supes excited we are getting a jailbreak from quarantine in May. Just in time for summer break! Take that, ‘rents. Booyah! In your day, you got excited over some snow days? Okay, Boomer, we got a year and a half off over a pandemic. Our generation is the dopest, Yeet!

And now, the deets on the bangin’ news! (Come on, Mr. S! Pass me already! I’ve been so extra, I’m annoying myself!)

Joe Biden calls the decision to lift the mask mandates neanderthal thinking which angered some GOPs for being compared to caveman…


HUMOR

News that barely makes the grade.

photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Yo Bruhs, it’s your girl, Bailey Passing. Before I hit you up with my hot take, I have a personal FYI that is legit quaking and shaking.

The baes from my squad are kicking around a high key petition to get me extra cred for these posts, so I can for reals pass civics. No cap! This is not a drill. Do not pass go. Do not collect a hundred dollars. Stop, drop, and roll to the dope AF bulletin board in the gym and sign the eff up for my lit cause!

Boeing 777s temporarily grounded. Rents were displeased…

Susan Sassi

Competition placing TV writer, comedian, & professional Cathy impersonator living in LA. www.susansassi.com

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